Why Do I Feel So Depressed At Christmas?

Tis the season to be jolly! Right? Well, not necessarily. Whilst the festive season may look all tinsel-laden, glitter-coated, and lit up with sparkling lights, for some people that�s simply not the case. The Samaritans helpline told BBC�s Newsbeat that they responded to a shocking 200,000 calls for help during the festive season last year � and that�s just the tip of the iceberg: just think of all of the people struggling who felt too afraid, embarrassed, or ashamed to make the call. So the reality? For some, Christmas really is The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (and you'll probably find the topic of this post a bit strange.) But for others, the cheap tinsel simply itches (and nobody likes a rash), the glitter gets in a whole lot of weird places nobody really wants to get glitter, and the glare from the twinkling lights is sometimes too much that not even a pair of jet black supersized Celine sunglasses can shade you from it.

But why do some people feel this way? Whilst I completely confess that I love the rosy, cosy, mulled-wine induced build up to Christmas (this year it�s been party after party, and I finally feel as though I�ve got my social life back) when the 25^th December and week following up until January hits, the days seem to merge into one gloomy blur of numbness and nothingness. It's hard to stay motivated to do anything. And it all just feels well... a bit weird. Which in itself is weird because it's Christmas! I should be happy! And smiling and eating and giving presents and eating some more and taking selfies with my family and putting it all over Facebook! Before I actually took the liberty of googling �why the hell do I feel so crap on Christmas day when I should be having fun like everyone else,� I thought that I was the only person who year on year felt this way, but it turns out that a kind of Christmas depression is a thing, and then I saw Martha from Martha Jane Music's post on it and realised more people feel this way than I had imagined. I�m not a Scrooge, even the over-commercialisation of Christmas doesn�t bother me in the slightest, and when we started playing Christmas songs in the office I was the first person singing along and pissing off all of my colleagues. I'm a very happy and positive person all year round and I don't suffer from depression, so I've found it unexplainable why I seem to plummeting into a pit of misery at this specific time when everyone else seems to be having a yuletide love-in. To put it simply: who the fuck stole my Christmas spirit? (Grinch� I�m looking at you)

Expectations vs Reality

You can�t go anywhere from mid-November � okay, the beginning of November � without being bombarded with imagery of the perfect Christmas. Smiling families that all look freakishly, unnaturally good-looking - even the Grandad looks like an ex-James Bond star. The kind of Pinterest-worthy food that would definitely hit up a billion likes on Instagram. The most utterly glamorous outfits worn by the most utterly glamorous people who are out having the most fab-u-lous time ever at some seriously glitzy party. But this only serves to give us an unrealistic expectation of what Christmas will, and should be like. We're not stupid. We know this isn't reality. But at the same time, when year on year it makes up 99% of the representations of Christmas we see in the media, it�s hard to not think to ourselves that our Christmas should reflect the images that we see. So when your old Aunt Sal turns up and tells you you�ve put on weight, or you burn the turkey, or that sparkly Christmas dress makes you look more Kerry Katona than Kim Kardashian, you can�t help but feel disappointed.

Another thing that doesn�t help is nostalgia making things blurry. When you think of Christmas, what do you really think of? It pulls me back to my childhood, when I would stay awake all night trying to hear Santa deliver my presents and eventually after annoying my parents enough, my sister and I would tear open all of our gifts and spend the day playing with exciting new toys. Christmas as a kid was the best. Now it�s just a day where the only places open to go are a few crap pubs filled with equally miserable people, and unfortunately I don�t have 10 new barbies to play with to keep me entertained. Thanks mum and dad, for setting the bar so bloody high that everything pails in comparison! (only joking love you really)... It's easy to fall into the trap of looking back and expecting things to be as good as they were, but the truth is that the excitement goes as soon as you stop being a child (or you wake up and see Santa hasn't eaten the mince pie and really begin to question his actual existence.) 

All of these issues can lead to a hell of a lot of pressure to have the most amazing time, so when our Christmasses just don�t look how we think they should, we�re left disappointed to chow down on that dry turkey under the judgemental gaze of Aunt Sal. Brill. It�s anticlimactic, at best, with an epic build up of fun partying, coming to a less-than impressive finish that doesn't meet our unrealistic standards, or as we fear, anyone else's. 

The Vicious Cycle of Guilt 

What comes on top of the media bombardment of The Best Christmas Ever and everyone's carefully curated clips posted all over social media is the feeling of �Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time so why am I not having fun!?� 

When you're looking at someone�s family selfie with a turkey posted on Facebook and it looks like them and the whole world is having a better time, it's easy to think "Why can't that be me?" or "Why is everyone else so much happier than I am?" The message we get is that Christmas is supposed to be the happiest time of the year - everyone and everything is telling us this - but some of us are spending it feeling terrible, and it makes us feel out of place and illegitimate in our feelings. We feel that without an obvious reason to not enjoy Christmas - like losing a loved one, being clinically depressed, having serious financial issues - we have no right to feel these negative emotions. We appear to have everything that we want and need, so if we were to feel unhappy it would be ungrateful. Then, we feel guilty about it, thus driving us into a bit of a vicious cycle of guilt.

Then of course, battling these cripplingly negative emotions whilst trying to portray a veneer of complete happiness and fictitious joy because it is Christmas doesn't exactly help either.

Excessive Self Reflection 

The holidays can be a truly poignant time as it signals the last week of the year, and that leads to a lot of self reflection on the past year. Cue a mental onslaught of �did I do everything that I wanted? Did I achieve my goals? Did I actually resolve that problem?� which basically reads as, was I good enough? 

It can bring out issues we�ve not dealt with or swept under the carpet. You get a little stuck blaming yourself for your shortcomings, and punishing yourself for not working harder, eating healthier, or simply having more fun and making better memories. This is probably one of my worst triggers for feeling shitty at Christmas as I'm very ambitious, have very high expectations for myself, and a serious perfectionist. So when I look back on the year and focus on what I didn't manage, I find myself feeling pretty angry at myself. 

Spending time with people you don�t really want to see 

I love my family. We�re a small unit of four that spend most of our time together faux-bickering and exchanging a neat dose of sarcasm. What�s not to love? But not everyone has a close, tight-knit family, and are expected to meet up with people out of obligation more than choice, having to fake a level of social intimacy that simply isn�t there. Nothing�s more awkward than having to sit with people and pretend that you like them. It�s like being on a shit tinder date but a billion times worse because you can�t pretend you left the oven on and scarper because well, the oven is already on, cooking up everyone�s dinner. 

So, what can you do to avoid Christmas depression?

1. Look forward to the new year. If you're anything like me, you'll be motivated at the idea of a fresh, clean slate. So make plans for the new year - and even better - between Christmas and new years to get a head start on everything. 
2.  Make new plans or traditions. If you hate the Christmas Day lull, make some other plans. A couple of years ago, me and my family began going for an ice cold walk around Bradgate Park near the family home in Leicestershire. It's a great way to get some fresh air and see something beautiful. Another thing I've always wanted to get involved in is volunteering. Helping others way more needy than you will not only benefit people in need but it'll also be a way more productive use of your time rather than pretending you're interested in your Uncles new fishing equipment or getting into an argument with your Nan about the Syrian conflict.
3.  Stop seeing Christmas as a time for self-reflection. Stop judging yourself on how you have acted and what you have achieved this year. Analysing how well you�ve done is best done out of the glare of the twinkling lights. Instead, make a list of the great things you have achieved.  
4. Stop comparing. Put the phone down, get off social media and ignore the TV adverts! Who cares if that girl Bethany you don't like got a kitten for Christmas? And remember, the people in the John Lewis advert are actors. Oh, and your friend with that really big family and the Dilf of a dad used a super flattering filter on that family photo they just posted on Instagram. Remember, it�s not real. It�s a little glimpse that scratches the surface of reality. So don�t compare.
5. Enjoy the time to press pause. If holidays didn�t exist life would continue to go at hyperspeed. There would be no time to press pause, we�d just be working constantly. So enjoy a little break. And if you�re itching to get back to work then use that as something to be excited over. 
6. Accept your feelings. If you feel shit then just know that it's okay. Don't feel guilty for it. Do positive things that would usually help make you feel better, like exercising, or eating! Whatever makes you feel better. 

Remember that Christmas is merely a season; it is not a personal judgement on how you have spent the past year or your achievements in life. You're not alone, you shouldn't feel guilty about feeling this way or a pressure to be happy simply because it's Christmas. It's just any other time of the year, so take a step back and take a breather, and look at it for what it really is: just another day.

And if all else fails... try this solid piece of advice.

image by Chris The Simpsons Artist

Photos by Carl Thompson

9 Tips on How To Stay Healthy During The Festive Season

 (it doesn't involve egg not lattes, unfortunately) 

Festive season is upon us! It's still not technically December just yet, but, the Christmas lights are all on, decorations are going up, and we�ve probably all got our office Christmas party outfits sorted - or at least whittled it down to around 5 potentials waiting to hit buy in our ASOS saved lists. Apart from trying not to spend your Christmas present budget entirely on yourself - (guilty! Sorry mum dad and boyfriend) - one of the hardest things about the festive season is trying to stay healthy. With all of the parties, free alcohol, alcohol in general, and then canap�s, who can really resist? I know I struggle. And with a 10 day trip to Thailand booked 3 days after Christmas, I can�t really afford to be getting too merry and eating all of the (mince) pies. Who�s going to like my Instagram picture of me looking cute wrapped in a towel on the beach when the reality is I look like a pig in a blanket? My mum. That's all. And that's only because she's likes every thing that I post. 

The main thing to keep in mind is that trying to be healthier doesn't mean you have to press pause on having fun. Memories that are alcohol and food induced are worth so much more than the couple of lbs you may put on whilst creating them! This is the month for enjoying yourself, letting yourself go (a little), but it'll be a lot easier to get back on track in January (#newyearnewme) if you stay on track during December. Keeping things healthy now will make you feel less guilty about indulging too much, and then make it a lot easier for yourself to make a push in the new year.

1. Figure out your indulgent dates in advance so you can plan around it

Planning is important. Know when you�re going to be getting merry and try stick to those dates. I have 4.5 dates in my diary where I know I will definitely be eating naughty food and drinking a little too much (yep, precise)

1. A dinner with my best blogging girls Allie and Sarah

2. Office Christmas lunch

3. The office Christmas party

3.5 the day after the office Christmas party - bacon sandwich will be needed.

4. Christmas Day

Now I have these big indulgent days pencilled in, I can plan to do a really big workout. That way I will have earned at least some of the naughty food and drink, guilt-free.

On the days where you aren�t indulging, eat as healthily as you possibly can.

2. Stop Feeling Guilty- ditch the fuck it effect

Feeling guilty about eating certain things often leads to more unhealthy eating. It�s the �fuck it� effect, if you will. So you eat all of the chocolate in your advent calendar by 3rd December. Don�t think fuck it and go and eat your sisters and then 10 mince pies. Abandon the guilt and let yourself enjoy the indulgence guilt-free, then get back to your normal routine around it.

3. Stop thinking December is a free pass

What happens in December stays in December, right? Wrong. What happens in December - i.e. eating all of the chocolates, sweets, cake, roast potatoes, and drinking a gallon of gravy - goes with you into the new year in the form of a few extra lbs. The biggest mistake people make is seeing December as a get out of jail free card for eating and drinking whatever, because well, December� and you�ll start a gym membership next year because new year new you. Stop the excuses, cut the crap, and let yourself indulge only when you really need to.

4. Do you want it because you like it or because you think you should have it?

Mince Pies! Chocolate coins! Christmas Pudding! Pigs in Blankets! Stuffing! But are you eating these because you really like them, or because they are just Christmas foods you don�t usually eat? Do you really want a gingerbread latte smothered in cream from Starbucks because it's a special one-time-of-year thing, or just a normal one? Work it out.

which leads me to... 

5. Pick and choose a few things to indulge in

Rather than indulging in every naughty treat on the table, choose your two favourites to treat yourself too. They will feel more special that way. Eat what you love, leave what you like.

6. Try limit your alcohol intake 

I�m not saying skip the free bar or say no to every glass of mulled wine, but unless you have something special planned, it�s best to avoid it as much as you can. When you drink alcohol, your body starts to burn that off before you burn off any food at all. Any food that you eat after or whilst you drink will more than likely be stored as fat - unless you really dance hard on the D-floor. Work out when you�re major festive parties and meet-ups are planned and allow yourself to drink then, but skip that casual glass of red by the fire on your evenings in.

7. When you drink, head for a G&T and slimline tonic

If you must, take a less calorific option! A big hefty squeeze of lime will make this better. Or cucumber.

8. Balance foods out with more vegetables

An easy one to begin with. When piling up your roast dinners, stick to a more vegetable heavy side, followed by protein, and then carbs. Eat the vegetables first too, so you fill up on the healthier stuff first leaving less space for the naughtier foods! I'm beginning to sound like your Mum preaching "eat your greens! Eat your greens!" over and over. But the mum's were on to something... 

9. Go Bodycon or go home

Oversized clothes look cool, but they�ll encourage you to eat more as they have oh so much room for expansion! Body-conscious clothing will keep you just that - body conscious, so you won�t want to over indulge so much.

Like I said before, there's absolutely no need to press pause on the fun of the festive period. But a few simple changes will stop you from feeling the guilt - and the pressure to get in shape - when January arrives. 

Love, Sophie x

How To Make A Marble or Wood-effect Flat Lay Background

I think I've learnt the key to success on Instagram. And it's all about flat lays. Those constructed images of 'reality' of little lifestyle bits strewn so 'casually' on the floor... it just means like like like popping up all over the place. I mean of course my fave Topshop Muse boots just flicked off like that. And my copy of the Acne Paper from over two years ago was just open on that page. With my ASOS cateye sunglasses and phone lying on the top of it. And yes I do have a shrub in the middle of the floor because, well, flat lay. And yes, of course I have cool white floorboards in my house. Wait, what? No I don't. I have a crappy biscuit coloured carpet. So how have I managed to get a cool looking background for my flat lay? Oh, and what about the marble one below too? I'm going to show you how to make a marble or wooden floorboard effect flat lay background.
 

We all know Instagram isn't real, but that Essena O'Neill girl wasn't kidding when she said it's all lies. Unfortunately, very few of us have a gorgeous real marble floor in our bathrooms or kitchens. Nor do we have amazing bleached white wood floorboards. So a little trickery is involved. 

To make these boards, I went to the local B&Q and got a piece of plywood about 4-6mm thick cut to a panel around 2.5m squared (which unfortunately didn't fit in the car very well, causing slight embarrassment in the carpark - so be warned!) You might be better off picking some up from a scrap yard or just check out what people are trying to get rid of on Gumtree in your neighbourhood. You could also use really thick cardboard as a base - or anything - so long as it's large enough to be able to stand and take a decent picture!

Next you need to get hold of some adhesive vinyl/ sticky back plastic paper in the pattern that you want. I picked up this marble effect paper and white wood floorboard effect adhesive paper on Amazon.co.uk for around �14 a roll, which was plenty for covering each side of the plywood in the different patterns. Applying the paper to the board can get a little tricky so you may need another pair of hands to help you to prevent any major air bubbles and bumps happening! Lay your board out on the ground, and peel off a few inches of the backing of the adhesive vinyl paper, lining it up to the top and sticking it down. With one hand, slowly start to remove the backing paper whilst smoothing the freshly exposed sticky paper down to the board with the other hand. If you get any major bubbles, pull it back up and try it again. Small ones can just be squished out super easily at the end. 

There you go, more proof that life on Instagram is a lie. But at least I'm not lying about it, right? 

Ultimate Gifts For Her (or You...)

1. Topshop Coat / 2. Mango Jumper / 3. Topshop Jeans / 4. Topshop Scarf / 5. Mango Bag / 6. Mango Shoes / 7. River Island Bra / 8. River Island Briefs / 9. Olympus Pen E-PL7 

Christmas is almost upon us so it�s time to treat your best friend to something nice. And who�s a better friend to yourself than yourself? You�ve both known each other for years, seen each other naked a billion times, and experienced so much together (like that time you drunk vandalised your boyfriends car... shhh, we won't tell) So go on and indulge yourself. Or simply forward this list of ultimate gifts for her (or you) to your boyfriend/parents/sugar daddy/santa for some inspiration if you think they might be struggling and you don't fancy spending the run up to Christmas practicing your best "I really love these skull and crossbones socks, Grandma" face. There's lots of Topshop goods, Mango has been a big hit this season, and of course, ASOS informing this edit of fashion, accessories, and household gifts! You can thank me later.

Black Friday & Cyber Week So Far

Oh, and don't forget to check out the pre-Black Friday sales! ASOS currently have 20% off everything and Topshop have slashed their prices by 50%. Urban Outfitters - experts at quirky gifts - are also slicing prices by up to 50%. Plus Finery London have 30% off everything, including their new season! Things marked in red are in the Pre-black Friday sales!

1. Topshop Boutique Leather Jacket / 2. Topshop Boutique Top / 3. Chanel Coco Mademoiselle / 4. River Island Fedora / 5. Rock & Ruddle Hair Brush / 6. Urban Decay Naked Palette / 7. Map Print / 8. ASOS Makeup Bag / 9. Mango Bra / 10. Mango Briefs / 11. Topshop Jumper / 12. Wildfox Eye Mask

With fashion, it�s all about classic cuts and timeless styles. Nobody wants to shell out money on something that gets price-sliced a day later in the boxing day sales. Opt for buying an eternally cool-cut coat, or cosy knitwear in a muted palette that�ll still feel fresh come early spring. Jeans make a surprisingly good present as they are the one item people (myself included) live in, but never really want to actually bother buying for themselves. And little gifts like luxurious calf hair makeup bags, red lace lingerie, and glistening home decor are a far more stocking thriller than stocking filler. 

1. Topshop Boutique Jumper / 2. Topshop Premium Loungewear Joggers / 3. Topshop Coat / 4. ASOS Pineapple Money Box / 5. Topshop Black Muse Boots / 6. Topshop Pale Grey Muse Boots / 7. Wildfox Pyjamas

Christmas is all about the colour red, but luckily it's set to be huge in the new season. So get your fix of the festive hue now to maximise its potential. Snug pyjamas are always a winner. The Topshop premium joggers would look perfect with this cosy burgundy top. 

Happy shopping! Remember, just by being born you were a life-long gift to your parents, so it doesn't really matter if there's only a little left in the budget for them - you're the gift that keeps on giving! 

Love, Sophie x