The everyday battle we face with with beauty/body image

It's often said that we are our own harshest critic. The new Dove France campaign highlights exactly how brutal our inner critic can be. By now I'm sure you've heard of their #OneBeautifulThought campaign. If you haven't, here's the round up: in the ad, some women are asked to write down all of the crappy things they think about themselves on a daily basis, then they were then invited back to a coffee shop where they 'accidentally overheard' two women (who were actually actresses) having a conversation where they said to each other some of the horrible things these women had written down about themselves. Unsurprisingly, the women who overheard this were horrified to see these two actresses saying such bitchy things to each other so in such a blase manner over coffee. The advert ends by asking: �When was the last beautiful thought you had about yourself?�

https://www.youtube.com/embed/3tM2Z0-zFcw

Naturally, as a bit of a cynic, I find myself feeling slightly sceptical about this advert seeing as the women in the ad are so naturally beautiful in their individual ways. I can't help but think that Dove France might have taken a slightly patronising route once again in their advertising. But then perhaps another point this advert highlights is that no matter how beautiful we might see someone as, all women have insecurities and worry about their perceived imperfections? This new Dove campaign got me thinking about my own love/hate relationship with beauty and body image, so since waking up this morning I decided to write down every shitty thought I had about myself today and share it here on the internet with you guys. As a comparative balance, I also wrote down any "beautiful thought" that I had about myself today. 

So here goes.

"You look fat today"

"Your feet are so small they look like pigs trotters"

"I swear you've gained weight on your armpits. Didn't even know that was possible"

"You're so fat"

"Your forehead is so big it's like a tombstone. Think how pretty you'd look if it was smaller"

"Your hairline looks like a balding 50 year old man's"

"Your thighs are like big fleshy chicken drumsticks from KFC"

"When did your face get so fat around your mouth?"

"You're too ugly to do vlogs. Nobody would want to watch you"

"You'd be more successful if you were 10lbs lighter"

"You're not naturally pretty"

"Your head is the shape of a giant round egg"

"Your eyes are really set back in your head"

"One of your eyes is so much smaller than the other like it's been stuck mid-wink"

"Your wide arse looks like a squashed loaf of bread on the reduced aisle in Tesco"

Plus I thought "You're so fat/ugly" about four more times.

And here's the positive:

"Your boobs look good today"

"Your stomach looks flatter today"

"You have nice cheekbones"

"Good job on the eye makeup"

Ouch. So apparently today I wasn't feeling too great. There's definitely an imbalance here. 

Just like the women in the advert, when reading these personal insults back out loud I laughed in shock. Am I really that bad? It almost seems laughable that my brain criticises myself so strongly and frequently everyday. Would I actually expect anyone to say these things to me IRL? No. Would I ever say these things to anybody else? Never, because I'd never want to hurt someone with such cruel words. So why are we saying these things to ourselves on a daily basis? 

The truth is, we don't see the good in ourselves that others might. But when I'm with my friends I only ever focus on the things about them that I find beautiful, because they are the only things I can see. Their flaws are invisible to me (unless they are seriously hungover with last night's makeup on and kebab debris around their mouths). What's so shocking is how much we mentally bully ourselves over our appearances and that it's become so ingrained within our daily routine of doing our makeup, looking in the mirror, walking down the street that it's difficult to escape. Our perception of beauty is so warped by magazines and instagram and everything else that's around us that we are constantly internally criticising ourselves for not being perfect. 

Next time you mentally berate yourself, just think about what you're really saying. Remember that we all have these thoughts, but it's probably only you that sees such a deep level of imperfection. Cynicism aside, one of the last questions the Dove campaign poses is something you really should ask yourself next time you're mind is screaming "You're so fat!" at your reflection: �If it�s not acceptable to say to someone else, why say it to ourselves?�

Is Instagram Killing Your Self Confidence?

It's just a casual Sunday afternoon and I'm scrolling through Instagram. What does my explore feed look like?
Well, there's a flat lay with a Daniel Wellington watch, some coffee at some new independent coffee store in East London, a gazillion street style photographs, some semi-naked men with beards and tattoos, Dermot O'Leary, and about 27 pictures of cats. Oh, and did I forget to mention that almost every other photo is of a bikini-clad babe snapped on a Thai/Australian/Californian (delete as appropriate) beach? Complete with serious abs, thigh gap, and the kind of hair that looks like it got photoshopped out of a L�Oreal advert. Sometimes it's even captioned with an inspirational quote that basically translates into "you too could have a perfect life if only you looked just like this"
And if you don�t look that good? Then your life is just crap, obvs.
Cheers for shitting on my Sunday afternoon, Instagram. I'll just go back to my cold desk and eat another bagel and watch as my tan fades into the same shade of magnolia as my bedroom walls.
It�s already established that social media can be detrimental to our wellbeing, but there�s a good chance that Instagram is killing your self-confidence more than Twitter and Facebook. It whittles down the elements of social media that are most likely to cultivate feelings of self-loathing: photos, likes, and followers. It�s like being at secondary school all over again, looking at the popular girls with their great bodies, gang of clone-like friends, and hot boyfriends (although they are all now fat anyway).
When you're constantly bombarded with pictures of women that are this idealised image of perfection with 50k plus followers and 3000 likes per picture, it doesn't take that long for thoughts to seep into your mind that to have perfectly toned abs, arms, a Kim Kardashian style arse and a thigh gap is actually way more common, and more �normal� than you may have thought. You then begin to compare yourself, identify your flaws, and slowly this sense of dissatisfaction crawls in and begins to eat away at your self esteem.
Our self-image can be warped under the pressure of social media. It turns into a vicious cycle of liking photographs of things we like, desire, and want that have appeared in the infinitely scrollable explore feed. And of course the Instagram algorithm creates this explore feed �based on people you follow�, which for me just so happen to be ridiculously pretty women with seemingly perfect lives, wardrobes and bodies. So next thing you know, you�ve been sucked into the black hole of insta-babes and being force-fed more and more of it.
One of the biggest issues around Instagram is that it by being a mobile app, the images are perceived to be more �real� in comparison those seen in magazines and billboards. We all know how much photoshopping goes into advertisements and editorials, but we often take what we see on Instagram for truth because it�s supposed to be behind the scenes, real life snapshots. Even if we know that these people we follow may have edited the pictures using other apps, we generally trust the fact that what we are seeing is reality, taken candidly on someone�s iPhone.
Putting yourself online creates a lot of transparency: anyone with an internet connection can see you and judge you. So of course you�re going to want to appear your best to this infinite number of people that might virtually stroll past your profile. Who doesn't want to feel liked, appreciated, and attractive? Our Instagram profiles become a carefully curated version of ourselves that hides the flaws and pushes our most positive physical attributes. Curating reality warps our self-perception. We are pulled into a cycle of constructing our perfect virtual self, but when we see others profiles we take that as pure reality.
So what do you do when you feel a bit self-loathing after an Instagram explore sesh?

Put it into perspective

Is it really real? I may have just posted a selfie or outfit post, but chances are I might not have taken it at that very moment. People are never going to post an image where they look like a vile spotty teenager (unless feeling adventurous for a #tbt ) they are going to post something that looks fun and attractive. Right now I'm writing this wearing my mum's pyjamas, greasy hair scraped into a bun, and no makeup apart from what little remains of last night... (forgive me beauty bloggers, for I have sinned.) Would I put a picture of that on my Instagram? Hell no. I'm more likely to take one of the BLT sandwich that I'll probably have for lunch, next to a copy of The Sunday Times because I want my profile to look pretty and consistent. So when you see something, look at it through the eyes of curated reality.

Stop Comparing Yourself

We're all different. We are all individuals. You will never be that person in the photo, so what�s the point in comparing yourself? It is only ever going to maximise the things about yourself that make you unhappy.

When you think of something negative, replace it with a positive 

So you're sitting there scrolling through your feed and thinking "Jesus her nose is so perfect and better than mine dear god why don't I look like her why??" Stop with the negativity. Think of something that you like about yourself instead. Say your eyes, or your lips, or eyebrows. See somebody having an amazing time on their holiday? Whatever. Sure, you might just be sitting on your bed shivering because your housemates switched off the heating, but you don�t need to worry about getting sand in your pants and having super dry sea-washed hair. Winner.

Only a small percent of the population actually look like this

It may be taking up 95% of your news feed, but only a small percentage of the human population look like this. Just remember that.

Bodycon(fidence)

Topshop Skirt | Topshop Top | River Island Boots | Zara Bag
There was this one time that I ate pizza. And then I cried. Hilarious and rather embarrassing, really, looking back at it...
 The logic (if there is any) behind the tearful breakdown was the sensation of a post-pizza guilt-wave pouring over me: I could literally feel the cheese melting into my thighs and becoming part of my being. Looking down at the half eaten pizza, the pepperoni may as well have spelt out "you fat bitch" for all I cared. Because that's exactly how I felt. Like a Michelin man made out of mozzarella.
Pathetic, isn't it, considering I'm a UK size 8 (sometimes a 10 on the legs and bum, if we're talking post-pizza). But when you are working in an industry where images of idealised perfection bombards you continuously it feels almost normal to maintain a little bit of self-hatred, despite being completely healthy. My confidence is forever being destroyed by Kendall Jenner's abs and legs... The truth is, no matter what size anybody is, everyone is going to have something they don't like about themselves. It's completely normal.
So what makes me feel slightly better about myself when I feel like a total chunk of cheddar?

• I remind myself that if you don't like something, you should either change it, or accept it. I can't seem to accept the fact that my thighs have the circumference of approximately 5 of my heads, so I'm eating less pizza, doing more squats, and eating more carrots (hopefully until my thighs are then the circumference of a carrot...)
• Fashion is a mode of creating and channelling confidence, so use it. Known amongst my friends as the Queen of Oversized Knitwear, sometimes it feels so good to hide yourself under a chic roomy jumper (I'm telling you, nothing hides rolls better than roll necks). But then weirdly, what also works for me is wearing something bodycon. No short basic bitch bandage dresses, but sophisticated, sexy pieces and show off the right curves. The way I see it is like fighting fire with fire, or maybe fighting lack of body confidence by showing off my gargantuan arse? Either way, do what makes you feel happy. 
• Don't take what you see so seriously. Instagram is a curated gallery of an individuals' best photographs. We think it's more real life than what we see in magazines, but the truth of it is nobody is going to upload a photo of themselves that's so bad it'll make them lose followers rather than gain followers. 
• Everyone's idea of perfection is different. So don't let what other people think is perfect make you feel imperfect. 
• No matter what size you are, there are always going to be things that you're not happy with: having or not having body confidence isn't size specific. 
• And if you want to eat pizza, then eat the damn pizza. Just don't cry about it afterwards like I did...

Cue cliche but very true girly quote:

You will never look like the girl in the magazine. The girl in the magazine doesn�t look like the girl in the magazine